Carol
by sevanderslice
Summary: Shepard and Kaidan spend Christmas with their family on Earth and reminisce about their first Christmas together after the Reaper War. Takes place after "Serenade," but can be read as a standalone story.
1. Chapter 1

"Grandmaaaaa!"

Shepard stumbled a little as her five year old son barreled past her through the open door, leaving a trail of half melted snow in his wake. He threw himself at Kaidan's mother, squealing with glee as she pulled him up into a bear hug and swung him around. His small, booted feet barely missed toppling the modestly decorated Christmas tree in the corner.

"You alright there, Love?" Kaidan chuckled, placing a steadying hand against the small of his wife's back.

"Yeah," Shepard assured him, smirking a bit as she stepped over the threshold. She placed the large bag of gifts she'd been carrying against the side of the couch before starting to unbutton her coat. "I swear that kid's like a guided missile when he sees something he wants."

"No kidding." Kaidan swept inside right behind his wife, managing not to jostle the exhausted two-year old draped over his shoulder. Hannah had passed out on the shuttle ride to Earth and had yet to stir once. He gently laid her on the sofa before calling to the pair across the room. "You okay, Mom?"

The woman in question looked up at them with a wide grin, her arms still full of exuberant five-year old boy. "You know I love this," she chided, letting Ashton slide to the floor. She pulled the wooly hat from the boy's head and ruffled the dark curls that were so like her own. "I can't believe how big you're getting!" she exclaimed. "I swear you've grown half a foot!"

Kaidan shrugged out his coat and barked a laugh. "I bet he has, considering he eats more than twice his weight in food every day. The Council has a special transport ship employed just to feed the Alenko family. And no," he added, shaking his head, "that's not a joke."

"Well considering how much it cost to keep your belly full while you growing up, that doesn't shock me; especially since you've got _three_ biotic mouths to feed." Arms open wide, she rushed the few steps to her son and enveloped him an even tighter hug than the one she'd given Ash. "Oh, my boy!" she cooed, rocking from side to side as if he were an infant again, "I've missed you so much."

Pulling back a bit, Kaidan gave her an indulgent smile. "I missed you too, Mom."

Palming his cheeks in both hands, the older woman pulled his face down to meet her gaze. Caramel brown met caramel brown and, not for the first time, Shepard was struck by how similar they were in appearance. "You should visit more often," his mother insisted. "Six months is too long."

"Yeah," Shepard piped up from her place next to the couch, "That's my fault. Now that the Quarians are finally united under a single government, I've been lobbying pretty heavily to get them a spot on the council. It hasn't left much time to get away."

"I suppose that's what I get for my son having such a high profile wife," she sighed, moving to envelop the councilwoman in her embrace. "It's so good to see you too, dear?"

"Hi, Anne," she said, returning the hug. "Thanks for having us."

"Oh, anytime; you know that!" she tutted. "Now," Mrs. Alenko rubbed her palms together in glee. "Where's that baby?"

Shepard turned towards her daughter, ready to stop her mother-in-law from waking the girl. However, she was surprised to see a pair of impossibly big brown eyes gazing back at her.

"Hi Mommy," Hannah said sleepily.

"Hey Baby," Shepard cooed, sitting down next to the smallest Alenko and helping her to sit up. "Look who's here." She gestured towards Kaidan's mother. "It's Grandma!"

Anne knelt down in front of the little girl and helped to remove her outerwear, unzipping the poufy jacket and pulling the pink hat off her head. A pair of silky blonde pigtails popped out on each side. "What do you say you, me, and your brother go frost the Christmas cookies I've got cooling in the kitchen?"

"YEAH!" Ashton yelled excitedly from behind them, bouncing like a pyjack on speed. "Cookies, cookies, cookies, cookies..."

"Well, I guess we know Ash's vote." Kaidan chuckled, watching as the boy hopped his way down the hall.

"Come on Princess," his mother cooed, scooping Hannah off the couch and into her arms. "Let's go catch your brother before he dives headfirst into the frosting."

Shepard sighed in relief as she watched their retreat, grateful for a moment of peace. She cuddled into her husband's side as he took a seat next to her on the couch. "Your mom is so great."

"Yeah," he agreed, kissing the top of her head. "It's easy to see where I get it from, huh?"

Shepard huffed and slapped him lightly on the arm, but didn't comment. She was enjoying the quiet too much; just the two of them together with the Christmas tree and the real wood burning fire. It was reminiscent of another Christmas they'd shared in this place, so many years ago now.

"You're awfully quiet," her husband pointed out. "Are you thinking about the same thing I am?"

"And what might that be," she asked teasingly, not bothering to lift her head from Kaidan's comfortable shoulder.

"About our first Christmas after the war," he answered softly. "It was the first time I brought you here."

Shepard chuckled, "I seem to recall it was closer to a kidnapping than a simple visit."

"Hey," he disagreed, feigning offense. "Willing parties cannot be _kidnapped_, as you so eloquently put it."

"I think the hospital staff might disagree with you," she quipped, glancing up to see the mischievous glint in his eyes.

"They can think what they want." he decided, leaning in close enough for his warm breath to puff across her mouth. "Either way I suppose it's a debate better left to the history books."

"Maybe," Shepard slid her hands up the firm planes of her husband's chest and let her lips stretch into a playful smile. When was the kids' bedtime again? "Regardless, it was a good move on your part, Alenko. I always appreciate it when you break the rules for me."

"Is that so?" he asked, gently brushing his lips against hers.

"Absolutely," she breathed, leaning into his kiss. Shepard was grateful for every single time her usually 'by the book' husband ignored the rules for her; like the first time they made love before the assault on Ilos, or those priceless few weeks together on the SR2 before the Battle of London. And then there was that time a few years ago, when he'd saved her from a long and lonely Christmas...

o - O - o - O - o

The view outside Shepard's hospital room window showed the Vancouver skyline slowly being buried in layer upon layer of fluffy white. It reminded her a little bit of Noveria and she smiled slightly when she recalled Kaidan's constant complaints that he should have brought a sweater. In hindsight she realized he ought to have been more used to the cold, having grown up here.

She wasn't sure how long she watched the snow fall. It was fascinating in and of itself, and really she had nothing better to do, stuck in this bed for the foreseeable future. It wasn't all bad of course, Kaidan visited almost every day and just that morning, after kidney dialysis, the hospital staff had wheeled her down to the pediatric ward to be the guest of honor at their Christmas party. It had hurt much more than she'd expected, to see all those battered and broken children, some of them even worse off than Shepard herself. However, they'd all been so excited to see her, asking for her autograph and wanting to sit in her lap just as much as the one custodian who'd dressed up as Santa Claus. The experience had exhausted her though and they'd had to wheel her back up to her room much sooner than she would have liked. It was beyond frustrating for the woman who'd once taken down a reaper on foot, to not be able to make it all the way through a children's Christmas party.

She was kind of bored now though, having slept most of the day after coming back to her room. Reading tired her out too fast and the vid screen held nothing but old movies and news, most of it depressing as hell since she couldn't help the relief efforts in any way. Shepard glanced down at the length of her body, wincing anew at the empty space below her left knee where her leg used to be. Yeah, she thought morosely, she wasn't much help to anyone at the moment.

Letting out an audible puff of air, Shepard berated herself for her self indulgent, maudlin train of thought. She was better than this, she told herself, and didn't deserve to feel depressed when so many others were far worse off than her, including those whose names were currently being engraved on numerous memorials around the galaxy.

She was still pretty weak and tired easily, but the bits and pieces of her body they'd replaced already seemed to be working just fine, at least so far. She still had to get dialysis every other day, which totally sucked, but they promised the new kidney they were growing for her in the lab would be finished in a few weeks. That meant more surgery, but at this point they'd cut into her so many times already it hardly seemed to matter. Also, once she was healed from the kidney transplant she should be strong enough to start PT with a prosthetic leg. Eventually she'd get a brand new, flesh and blood version of that too. It was just going to take some time...a long, frustrating, god-awfully boring time.

Glancing across the room, the Commander noted they'd left her wheelchair by the door, way too far for her to reach, even if she'd had the strength to lower herself into it. This meant taking a quick turn around the ward was out of the question. She could push the call button and wait for the nurse to show up, but that would only award her with a thirty second conversation, where she would have to apologize for bothering them for no good reason. That pretty much just left watching the snow fall. Turning her attention back to the window, Shepard stared off into the distance, letter her mind wander where it willed, as the sky turned from white to pink and then finally to black.

Her entertainment gone for the moment, Shepard started to get sleepy once more. She fought against the tide, unwilling to visit her dreams again so soon. Guilt was a poor bedfellow and despite Tali's assurances that she was very close to resurrecting EDI, and then eventually the Geth, there were too many lost voices still crying out to her at night.

A sour faced nurse came in to check her vitals for the millionth time. He placed a tiny plastic cup of colorful pills on her bed tray, before leaving the room without a word.

"Thanks for coming," the Commander petulantly called after him. "It was great talking with you. Merry Flipping Christmas!"

Good God she was sick of this bed; sick of being tired, sick of being...sick! She glanced at the plethora of pills the nurse brought; one of them was definitely a sleeping pill. Shepard could take it of course, resolve both her daytime boredom and her nighttime fears, but she wasn't quite ready yet. Kaidan had promised to stop by to see her before going to visit his mom for Christmas Dinner. She glanced nervously at the clock. It was past 1900, but there was still time for that to happen. It wasn't too late, she told herself. He'd come.

Propping herself up a bit more, she turned on the vid screen, hoping to find something interesting enough to keep her awake. Channel 6425 was having a 'Die Hard' marathon, and not the second or third remakes either, but the original ones where they actually blew things up for the special effects. Explosions could be fun, right? Well, at least if she wasn't in the line of fire.

She enjoyed the movie at first, getting lost in the storyline and picking apart every tactical decision the protagonist made. At some point however, Bruce Willis stopped trying to kill Alan Rickman and started screaming at Shepard. He wanted her to save his wife; said she was the only one who could. The gunfire was relentless, the explosions way too close. Every victim was someone she'd seen die before. The villains suddenly wore grotesquely modified faces that glowed from within...

"Shepard?"

The commander squeezed her eyes shut and grimaced, wrestling herself out of a troubled sleep.

"Baby, it's Kaidan. Please wake up."

The siren song of her fiancé's voice finally cleared the nightmare from her mind. She blinked up at his beloved, tired face and graced him with a sleepy smile. "Hi, you," she said.

"Hi," he answered her, leaning over to lay a gentle kiss upon her mouth. His lips were still cold from being outside. "I'm sorry I'm so late. We lost an entire power grid and had to transport all the refugees in those shelters to buildings that still have heat. We made sure they had a decent Christmas meal though. You have a good day?"

"It was alright," she told him, clasping his hand and interlacing their fingers. "Much better now." She stared longingly at the wheelchair by the door, desperately hoping for a change of scenery. Maybe Kaidan could take her for a quick stroll. "How long can you stay?"

"Only about five minutes," he said, and Shepard's heart fell straight down to the floor. "There's a shuttle all ready to go to mom's orchard."

"Oh, okay," she murmured, blinking back tears and forcing a smile. Of course he needed to go. His mother needed him, especially this year: their first Christmas without his father. Shepard had survived many a holiday alone; she'd make it through this one just fine. "I'm glad you stopped by anyway," she managed; her voice a little more strained than she was going for.

"Where's your stuff?" He asked strangely, moving to the side of the room to rifle through her drawers. He pulled out a loose pair of sweatpants and long sleeved Alliance T-shirt. "This'll work," he declared, easing her forward and untying the laces on the back of her hospital gown.

"Hey, Major," a familiar voice called from the hallway, "you guys just about ready?" Shepard's eyebrows rose half an inch. What was he doing here?

"Give us a minute, Vega, will you?" Kaidan stage-whispered across the room. "Go distract the nurses or something."

The Lieutenant chose that moment to stride into the room. "No. We're good, man." He said. "They're all watching some old action movie at the main desk."

Kaidan didn't seem convinced. "At least keep your voice down," he insisted, once again reaching for Shepard's day clothes. "And for God's sake, face the wall or something!"

"Sure thing, boss." The larger man chuckled as turned away.

Shepard's jaw was hanging open like a fish. "Do either of you feel like telling me what's going on?"

"What does it look like?" Kaidan asked, tugging the shirt down over her head and flinging the bedclothes away. He flashed her a wide grin. "We're making a break for it."

The Commander was stunned, hope welling up inside her like a shockwave. "Seriously?'

Kaidan palmed his fiancé's face in both hands and leaned in close. His lips came down on hers in a powerful kiss that was no less passionate for being brief. When he pulled back a moment later, the intensity in his whiskey colored eyes rocked her to her very core. "Do you really think," he rasped, "that after everything we've been through, I'd spend even one more Christmas without you?"

Biting her lip so as not to cry, Shepard merely shook her head. How was this incredible man even real?

They made short work of the rest of her clothes; quickly pinning the end of her empty pant leg to the top of her knee and shoving a wooly sock over her foot. Shepard was just shrugging into her favorite N7 hoodie when James, obviously tired of being the lookout, made his way over to the bed.

"Hey, Lola," he greeted, smirking playfully.

"James Vega," The Commander drawled, "This little jailbreak has you written all over it. Was it your idea?"

"Oh no," he chuckled. "I'm just hired muscled. It was all your boy here's idea." He gestured towards Kaidan, who was busy filling his coat pockets with her meds. "It was a good one though," he added, glancing around the room in distain. "The sooner we get you out of this place, the better."

"I couldn't agree more," Kaidan announced, wrapping an old quilt around Shepard's shoulders and scooping her up into his arms. "Grab the chair."

In seconds they were sailing down the long sterile hallway, carefully checking each corner for hospital staff that might get in their way. Kaidan kept sending Vega ahead for recon.

Shepard hadn't felt this alive in months. She giggled gleefully when, due to a technician loitering around the elevator, Kaidan was forced to carry her down three flights of stairs. "You could have passed me off to Vega," she teased as he placed her back in the wheelchair the younger man had toted down. "I'm sure James wouldn't have minded."

"Don't you bring me into this, Lola," the Lieutenant balked. "I may be bigger, but the Major here could fry me like an egg in under a minute."

They finally made it to one of the side entrances on the ground floor. The frigid air stung Shepard's cheeks and threatened to squeeze the air from her lungs, but it was glorious. She breathed it in deeply, ignoring the pain to feel the freedom.

Their shuttle was waiting just around the corner and Kaidan scooped her into his arms once more to carry her inside. He helped her get settled before turning to bid the Lieutenant good-bye. The two men shook hands and gave each other a firm pat on the back.

"Leaving so soon James?" She asked; suddenly remembering that, like her, he had no family to speak of. "You got somewhere to be?"

"Don't worry about me," he assured her. "There's a big party down at one of the Alliance bars tonight and you know it can't start without me there."

Shepard grinned, "I'm sure."

"Besides," he added, "you're in good hands. Ain't that right, Esteban?"

"Better hands than yours, Jimmy," the pilot quipped, stepping out of his seat and into view. "I think they might actually like to arrive at their destination tonight, instead of crashing somewhere in a ball of flame."

"Steve!" Shepard was so excited to see another familiar face; she would have jumped out of her seat if she'd been capable. "What are you doing here?"

"I couldn't let just anyone drive your getaway car," he answered, leaning forward to give her a firm handshake. "I don't have anywhere to be tonight anyway."

Vega put a heavy arm around his friend's shoulders and squeezed – a little too tightly if Cortez's grimace was any indication. "You should stop by the bar tonight after you drop the lovebirds off. I think I know a guy you might like."

Kaidan and Shepard barely stifled their snickers. The shuttle pilot visibly shuddered. "The last thing I need is to be set up by you," He said. "I'm afraid to even speculate on what this guy is like."

"Aww, come on." Vega actually looked hurt. "He's nice, I swear. He's a doctor."

Steve still didn't look convinced. "I don't know..."

The Commander cut him off. "I think you should go. You might have a good time and at the very least it might be a good story to tell the grandkids someday." When he frowned she added, "Don't be alone tonight, okay? For me?"

"Alright," he finally acquiesced. "Once I drop you guys off I'll make an appearance at the party. He pointed a finger at James. "Just don't get your hopes up too high."

"Easy there Esteban," Vega called back as he jumped out of the shuttle. "Just have a drink with him. I'm not asking you to marry the guy."

"I'll see you later, Jimmy," the pilot called back, reaching up to close the door.

Once they were up in the air Kaidan pulled Shepard onto his lap and cuddled her close. "I've missed holding you so much," he said, rubbing his cheek against her hair.

"Me too," she agreed, squeezing him as tightly as she could. He felt so warm and wonderful. That, coupled with the long exciting evening and the soft familiar hum of the drive core, and Shepard could barely keep her eyes open. She muffled a huge yawn against the Major's winter coat. "Sorry," she mumbled.

"Go to sleep," he chuckled, pulling her more securely into his chest. "I'll wake you when we get there."

* * *

_Author's notes:_

_Please let me know what you thought. Hopefully 'll post part two in a couple of days.  
_


	2. Chapter 2

"Can you grab her chair? How about that bag? Great, thanks." Her fiance's hushed whispers roused Shepard from a light doze. She cracked her eyelids open to see Cortez muscling their things out of the open shuttle door. All she could see beyond it was a swirling curtain of fluffy white.

"I guess we made it okay," she mumbled, struggling to sit up a bit more against Kaidan's chest. "Are you going to be okay flying home in this mess?" she called out towards the Lieutenant.

"Don't worry about me, Commander." The pilot reassured her, hopping back inside. "This is nothing compared to some of the places I had to pull you out of during the war. I'd much rather fly through snow than bullets any day."

"I hear that," she agreed.

Kaidan reached his arm out in front of them and firmly shook Cortez's hand. "I really appreciate the lift, Steve," he said. "Are you sure you don't want to come inside for some coffee or something before you go?"

"No," he replied, shaking his head. "Vega's waiting for me at the bar and I kinda want to get there before he's drunk enough to hit on Jack. The last couple of times were pretty hilarious."

"Tell him to be nice," Shepard instructed. "He always goes strutting in like a bull in rut. Jack doesn't need a puffed up protector and she certainly doesn't have time for his bullshit. She's tough as nails all by herself and extremely independent. If he's serious about starting something with her - and he better be serious or he's going to answer to me," she added, managing her best authoritative look, despite being wrapped in a quilt and perched on her fiance's lap – "then he needs to be honest about it. Don't tell him I said this, but James can be pretty sweet when he's not hiding it under all that macho bravado. I'd lay odds that Jack would respond to that side of him."

"Whoa, Commander," Cortez put his palms out in front of him. "Last time I checked, I wasn't Cupid in some weird Alliance dating service. Vega's on his own."

"Awww," Shepard tutted at him, "But aren't you supposed to have his back? You're his wingman."

"I am not his wingman!" The pilot's jaw dropped as Kaidan and Shepard erupted into mischievous chuckles.

"I'm sorry, Steve" the Major snickered, "but you really are."

Cortez's shoulders slumped in defeat. "Yeah, you're right," he conceded. "When did that happen?"

Shepard composed herself enough to answer. "Don't think about it too much; it'll just drive you crazy."

Kaidan stood, lifting the commander up in his arms as he did so, and shuffled towards the shuttle doors. "Well, we should go," he announced. "Mom's going to be wondering where we are as it is."

The commander gave Steve a quick handshake, made him promise to keep an open mind about that blind date Vega set him up with, and then they were plunging out into the cold night. She shivered, holding the quilt tight to her body, as Kaidan got her settled in the wheelchair.

The large farmhouse at the end of the drive was all lit up, a bright shining beacon of warmth and welcome. Shepard instantly felt like a new recruit, staring down the barrel of an enemy sniper for the first time. It had been years since she'd been invited to a family Christmas; not since her family was killed when she was sixteen. And this was a _farm_ – okay, an orchard - but there was a barn behind the house, similar to the one they'd had on Mindoir to house the horses. The air smelled just as fresh as it had on her colony and while the seemingly endless fields held rows of snow covered apple trees instead of wheat, it was still heartbreakingly similar.

Adding to her anxiety, this was Kaidan and his mom's first Christmas without his dad. Shepard, knowing exactly what that felt like, suddenly felt like she was intruding.

The Major, completely oblivious to her distress, let out a loud grunt of effort as he pushed her chair through the thick snow on the drive. "I guess I know what I'll be doing tomorrow morning, before Cortez comes back to get us." He announced, finally getting her over a particularly thick drift. "I think dad kept a shovel or two in the barn."

"Are you sure it's okay that I'm here?" She asked him, her voice small and barely audible over her fiancé's exertions.

"Hey," Kaidan stopped pushing and crouched down in front of her, taking both of her frigid hands in his and warming them between his palms. There was already a fine coating of snow on his dark curls. "She's going to love you; if for no other reason than because I love you. What has you so worried?"

"I'm a stranger," she explained, "and this her first Christmas without her husband."

The pained expression that flashed across Kaidan's face broke Shepard's heart. "It's hard," he rasped, clearing his throat before trying again. "But having you here is more than just a blessing for me. I know my mother. Not only has she been begging to meet you for months, but the more people she has to fuss over, the less she worries about herself. Your presence will distract her from her grief and help her enjoy dinner. Okay?"

Shepard gathered the courage she was so famous for and nodded. Even loaded with bittersweet memories and the prospect of meeting her future mother in law, this was still leaps and bounds better than another evening at the rehab hospital. "Alright; lead on, Major."

After trying once again, unsuccessfully, to push Shepard's chair up the long, snow covered drive, Kaidan gave up and just carried her and his bag to the front step. "I'll go back for it in a minute," he assured her. The door swung wide before they had a chance to knock.

"Merry Christmas! Come in, come in!" The woman inside was a flurry of activity, waving them in and barely able to stand in one place. She looked like an older, softer version of her son, with a head of dark, lightly salted curls and expressive caramel colored eyes. She also seemed liable to jump out of her skin from excitement. Shepard was squashed a little between mother and son when he leaned over to kiss the older woman's cheek.

"Hi mom," he said, beaming with pride. "It is my pleasure to introduce you to Commander Sarah Shepard: first human spectre, Hero of the Citadel, Savior of the Galaxy, and your future daughter-in-law."

The commander blushed a deep scarlet and suppressed the urge to bury her face in Kaidan's coat. "It's all so much less impressive on paper," she quipped, reaching out a hand towards the older woman. "It's really nice to finally meet you, Mrs. Alenko."

The older woman ignored the gesture entirely and enveloped Shepard in a bone crushing hug. "Please call me Anne. It's so very nice to finally meet you, dear." The commander managed not to wince.

"Easy there, Mom." Kaidan urged, gently placing his fiancé on a nearby sofa. "Physically, she's still a bit fragile at the moment."

Shepard scowled at the painfully truthful words, but didn't contradict.

"I've got to go back outside for her chair before it's too covered in snow to find." he continued, pulling the large, heavy bag he'd brought off his shoulder. "But first, I want to give you your present."

The look on his mom's face when she peeked inside the sack was priceless. She downright beamed, a huge grin splitting her lovely face from ear to ear. "How did you get all this?" She breathed, pulling out two large packages containing flour and sugar, a canned ham, and various canned vegetables. Each treasure was carefully placed on an end table as they were pulled from the bag. Shepard thought the woman might burst into tears right then and there.

Kaidan shrugged. "I've been saving up my ration tickets," he said, humbly. "I thought you'd need these more than I do. Besides," he chuckled, "I'm a soldier. I'm used to reconstituted mac n cheese."

"Oh you," she sighed, giving him another giant hug. "The two of you coming for Christmas was more than enough of a present, but this is just so wonderful I can't turn it down. I'm going to make ham and biscuits for breakfast tomorrow and still have leftovers to last me more than a week." She started piling her loot back into the bag. "Now go outside and get her chair, for crying out loud. I've been keeping dinner warm for over an hour!"

Anne Alenko's cooking was, in a word, amazing. She'd baked a whole chicken she'd traded six homemade jars of apple butter for. It was covered in a perfect blend of herbs, basted in real butter from a nearby dairy farm, and actually stuffed full of breaded filling. A can of sweet peas from her new bag of goodies, some of that famous homemade apple butter, and biscuits made with what had been the last of her flour, completed the meal. Shepard ate until her belly was full near to bursting. She was sure Kaidan would never be able to lift her up again.

After the meal, they settled into the farmhouse's modest, but comfortable living room. Kaidan helped her get situated onto one of the sofas again and then tucked her into his chest, cuddling her close. Shepard reveled in the simple pleasure of her fiancé's touch. It had been months since she'd had this much physical contact with anyone other than medical staff, and she didn't want to squander any of it.

Scanning the room with her eyes, the Commander was in awe of the homey, country charm. There were handmade quilts on the back of both sofas and an afghan draped over the recliner. A real wood burning fireplace cast a warm, flickering glow. The focal point of the space though, was definitely the authentic evergreen tree propped up in the corner. It smelled distinctly of pine and was covered in a plethora of unique decorations, some obviously crafted by a small child.

"Did you make some of those?" she asked Kaidan.

He chuckled against her hair. "Yeah," he admitted. "Mom never likes to throw anything out."

"You watch your tongue when you talk about my treasures, Kaidan Alenko," his mother gently scolded, reaching out to remove a small construction paper wreath from the tree. She brought it over to the couch and flipped it, so they could see the underside of the paper. Despite the wobbly handwriting, "_Merry Christmas Mommy_!" could clearly be read in bright red crayon.

Shepard barely contained a snicker. "That's adorable!"

"See," Anne affirmed, "these are the kinds of thing you keep forever. You'll understand when when you have your own children."

The commander was glad the older woman turned away just then to replace the ornament on the tree. That way she missed the sudden frown and quickly darkening mood her words elicited. The fact of the matter was, Shepard's doctors still weren't sure if after all the physical trauma she'd endured over the years and the extensive cybernetic upgrades she'd received, if she'd even be capable of conceiving a child, let alone carrying one to term.

Kaidan must have felt her wince because he gave her a gentle squeeze. "It'll happen," he murmured into her ear. "You just need to get healthy first. We just need to be patient, okay?"

Shepard swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded, forcing a smile just as his mother turned back around.

"Now," Anne announced, rubbing her hands together in glee, "it's time for presents!"

"You didn't have to do that, Mom." Kaidan protested, just as she placed a lumpy, wrapped package in his lap.

"You're right," his mother agreed, turning to grab another gift from under the tree. "But if I want to do something nice for my son, I will. So, shut up and open your present."

Shepard was stunned when Anne placed a similar package in front of her as well. It was surprisingly well wrapped, with a real red ribbon tied around the middle. "I'm sorry," she stammered, suddenly embarrassed. "I didn't get you anything."

The older woman's expression grew soft as she knelt down to meet the commander's gaze. "My son is home for Christmas," she said, her voice catching just a bit. "You've given me more than I could ever repay. Now, before I start weeping all over your knees, please open your gift. I want to see if you like it."

The brightly colored wrappings opened to reveal a pair of black mittens and a long matching scarf with a very familiar red and white stripe decoration down the center. Shepard was extremely touched Anne had gone to all the trouble of such a personal gift. "Did you knit these yourself?" she asked.

"Yeah, she did," Kaidan interrupted, holding up a bright blue sweater. He leaned over to kiss his mother on the cheek. "It's really great, Mom," he told her. "Thanks."

"Yes," Shepard agreed, holding up her new mittens. "Thank you so much. It was really quite thoughtful of you." _Good God_, the commander grimaced. Could she possibly sound any more stiff and awkward than she did at this minute? "So what's next?" she asked, desperate to take the focus off herself.

A knowing glance passed between mother and son for half a heartbeat, before Kaidan burst into nervous laughter. "No." He said emphatically.

Anne frowned. "You are really going to deny me today of all days? It's Christmas!"

Shepard watched them volley back and forth for a few minutes with rapt attention. Kaidan was absolutely adorable as he tried to wiggle out of whatever his mother wanted him to do. The commander was putting her money on Anne though. She had a feeling Kaidan's mother didn't lose many arguments.

"Fine," Kaidan finally huffed, "I'll do it for you. But just for a little while, okay?"

Anne might as well have been a twelve year old girl at a boy band concert, she looked so excited. She all but pranced to the upright piano next to the couch and switched it on, scrolling through the datapad on top until she found the song she wanted. To Shepard's surprise, Kaidan was the one who sat down on the bench and put his feet on the pedals.

"Every year while I was growing up," he explained, a slight flush coloring his cheeks. "Mom and I would have a Christmas sing-along after dinner."

"Really?" Shepard had thought her fiancé couldn't get any more adorable. She's been so wrong.

"Kaidan has a beautiful voice," his mother boasted. "Has he sung for you at all?"

It was Shepard's turn to blush as she quickly reminisced. Most of the times he'd sung to her weren't exactly stories for polite company.

Anne smiled knowingly. "I see he has," she gushed, gently elbowing her son in the ribs. "Good for you."

"Can we just sing now, please?" Kaidan was visibly mortified.

Shepard ignored him, wanting to know more. "Are you musical too, Anne? Does he get that talent from you?"

She nodded, her face growing pensive. Picking up a small frame from the top of the piano, she turned it so Shepard could see the hologram it held. Inside, an attractive middle aged man with chestnut hair, soft gray eyes, and Kaidan's jaw, smiled back at her. "My husband was many, many good things," she explained, "but musical was not one of them. The poor man couldn't carry a single note without a back hoe to dig it out for him."

The commander laughed, "Sounds like we had a lot in common."

"Probably more than just that," Anne replied mysteriously, just as Kaidan began to play.

Shepard had thought nothing could be as sexy as Kaidan's beautiful baritone voice, but just watching those long fingers gently pressing and releasing each key on the piano had her nearly out of breath. Stirrings of desire, something she hadn't felt in months, swirled in her core and Shepard silently cursed the fact that she wasn't quite healthy enough to act on them yet.

She forced herself to focus on the music instead. Anne Alenko hadn't been lying when she said her son had inherited his musical talent from his mother. Her lovely contralto voice was flawless and contrasted well with Kaidan's rich baritone. Shepard let herself enjoy the joyful words of "_We Wish You A Merry Christmas_" and "_Deck the Halls_." Anne's powerful voice was really highlighted when Kaidan simply played the piano to allow his mother to perform a solo of "_O Holy Night_." The mood changed considerably however, when the two of them started a lovely, if somber, rendition of "_Silent Night_." By the time the last line, "sleep in heavenly peace," escaped their lips, Anne's face was wet with silent tears.

"That was Jim's favorite," she explained roughly, reaching over to pick up her husband's picture once more.

Kaidan, his own eyes just a bit too bright, leaned over to wrap his mother in his arms.

"I'm alright," she assured him, gently rubbing his back. "Your dad wouldn't want us moping about. I think I'm going to call it a night though. I've got the guest room all made up. You two can come to bed when you're ready and I'll see you in the morning before you go." She was halfway up the stairs, the holo clasped tightly to her chest, when Kaidan called up after her.

"Are you okay to be alone tonight, Mom?" He asked.

"Don't worry about me," she insisted, wiping away another errant tear. "I've got a lot to live for."

Once Anne had disappeared upstairs, Shepard opened her arms up wide, inviting Kaidan in. He joined her on the couch in an instant, gently wrapping himself around her and burying his face against her shoulder. "I miss my dad," he rasped. "But mostly I'm just so glad you're still with me. God, I can't even think about if..."

"Then don't," Shepard soothed. "I'm here. Right now is what's important, remember?"

Kaidan took a deep breath before pulling back a bit to meet her gaze. "Yeah," he said, flashing her a light smile. "I remember."

"You want to go to bed now too?" she asked. "I can't do what I'd like with you just yet, but we could cuddle. It's more than we've had for months."

"That sounds very close to my personal version of heaven," Kaidan agreed, "but first I have one more surprise up my sleeve. Think you can handle it?"

Her curiosity peaked to unbearable levels, Shepard nodded. "Bring it, Alenko."

* * *

_Author's note:_

_The last part is already written and will be up in the next couple of days. It just got so long I had to break it up. Thanks so much for reading. Please leave me a review if you are feeling generous._


	3. Chapter 3

Less than five minutes after promising her a surprise, Kaidan had her all bundled up in his mother's warmest barn coat. She slipped on her new mittens and scarf and then she was up in his arms again, headed for the back door.

It had finally stopped snowing, the sky clear enough to allow moonlight to shine down and reflect off the new fallen snow. At a quarter past eleven it was as bright as dawn outside and Shepard could see the entire back field all the way to some outbuildings and acres of bare apple trees beyond them.

A little cloud of white puffed out of Kaidan's mouth with every step. The closer they got to the barn, the louder his breathing grew.

"You going to be okay there, Soldier?" She asked him, trying to tease, but really just feeling awful that he had to carry her so far.

"I may not be as strong as a Krogan," he huffed, "but I sure as hell can carry the woman I love across a short field."

Shepard wanted to assure him that due to her body consisting of just about as much metal as flesh, there was no shame in finding her heavy, but he looked so adorably determined she held her tongue. If Kaidan fancied himself her Knight in Shining Armor tonight - well, just this once, she wasn't going to complain. It was Christmas after all and she had nothing else to give him.

The large wooden door swung open with an audible creak and Kaidan stepped inside. Despite the lack of any type of artificial heating, the room was much warmer than Shepard had expected. The reason for that became obvious as they made their way farther inside. This wasn't just a barn; it was a stable.

"You didn't tell me you have horses!" Shepard breathed, nearly jumping out of her fiancé's arms in her excitement.

He positively beamed at her, visibly pleased she liked his surprise so much. "We have five of them," he informed her, "and another four we house for other owners. Since the war, everyone's been pitching in to keep them all fed and taken care of."

"I don't get to see them very often, but I really love horses." She told him. "We had a few on our farm while I was growing up and I learned to ride almost before I could walk. It's one of the things I always remember when I think of home. But, how could you possibly have known that?"

He placed her in her wheelchair, obviously stashed there earlier in the evening in anticipation of this little outing. "You talk in your sleep sometimes," he admitted, pushing her towards the stalls. "After the final battle, when we almost lost you, you were in and out of consciousness for over a week. You don't remember a whole lot about what happened then, but you said a lot of really interesting things. I tucked the important stuff away in my memory for when I needed it."

"Oh, Kaidan, they're beautiful." she exclaimed, when they reached their destination.

"You hear that, guys?" Kaidan called to the majestic animals gazing down at them. "The great Commander Shepard just gave you a compliment."

"I wish I had some fruit or something," she said wistfully, removing her mitten and reaching up towards a particularly lovely chestnut mare. The horse met the commander halfway and sniffed her fingers, only to snort in disappointment when no treat was in the offering.

"Be nice, Sugar," Kaidan scolded, before producing a large plastic container from the shelf behind them. "Here," he handed Shepard a piece of dried apple. "Sugar has a sweet tooth. Give her that and she'll love you forever."

Sure enough, as soon as the commander held the treat in the air, Sugar devoured it. "I can see where you get your name, pretty girl," she said, laughing as the horse's velvety muzzle tickled her fingers.

"Actually," Kaidan informed her, "all of our horses are named after food. It's kind of a family tradition. My grandmother started it when she and my grandfather first inherited the orchard and over the years it's just kind of stuck, even after dad took over the place."

He started gesturing to each horse in their stalls. "The ones over on the left there don't belong to us, so I'm not really sure of their names. The gray gelding in the corner is Chip; he was dad's horse. Mom favors Meringue, the lovely white mare next to him. Gramps bought Cookie and Sugar together from the same breeder, which is why they look so much alike. Sugar here," he patted the chestnut's long neck, "was my first horse as a kid. Gramps bought her just for me, even though we only made it out here a few times a year. I think he must have somehow known how much I'd need her, because when I came out to live with them for a while after leaving BAaT, she helped me find some peace again."

Shepard served Sugar another slice of dried fruit. "I guess I owe her a debt then, don't I?"

Her fiancé chuckled. "I'm pretty sure if you keep feeding her treats, she'll call it paid in full."

Giving his favorite chestnut a final pat on the neck, Kaidan led her down towards the very last stall on the right. A gorgeous palomino quarter horse, with golden hair and big doe eyes stared back at her from within.

"This is Taffy," Kaidan informed her.

Shepard gasped, nearly at a loss for words. "She's stunning, Kaidan."

"I'm glad you think so," he replied, "because she's yours."

"What?" The commander whipped her gaze up to look at him, completely bowled over. "Why?" she asked. "How did you even..."

"Don't ask how I got her," he cut her off. "It's a long story. As for why," he shrugged his shoulders. "You're going through a lot right now, and I remember how much Sugar helped me when I had a lot to deal with. Plus, you've given so much of yourself: to me, to the alliance, to the whole damn galaxy. I just wanted to give you something back that you lost along the way."

Shepard swallowed reflexively as emotion welled up inside her, threatening to spill out. "Thank you," she croaked.

Kaidan knelt down at her side and gently wiped away an errant tear. "Hey," he soothed. "No tears today, okay? You want to go for a quick ride?"

"How?" She wanted to more than anything, but if Shepard wasn't strong enough to get in and out of her own wheelchair, she certainly wasn't going to be able to sit on a horse by herself.

"Trust me," was all he said, before setting to work getting Taffy ready for their ride.

Shepard watched Kaidan's hands as he worked with practiced ease, wishing she could help as he groomed the horse's thick blonde coat, checked her hooves, and attached the bridle. Then, he placed the saddle firmly on her back and led Taffy out the stable, promising to come back to get Shepard in just a moment.

The cold air burned the commander's newly restored lungs once more when Kaidan carried her out into the night. The sky had cleared even more and a great canopy of stars stretched for miles above them in every direction. It was comfortingly familiar.

"How's this going to work," she asked, when they reached Taffy's side. "We've already established I'm heavy and this lovely lady here is at least sixteen hands tall."

"I've got that covered," he announced, just as his body was enveloped in a soft blue glow. "All we need is a little bit of Christmas magic."

He boosted her up with little effort, aided by his "magic" biotics. Shepard gasped as she floated a little before settling onto the front of the saddle. As expected, she wasn't quite strong enough yet to hold herself up, even after gripping the pommel as tight as she could in her mitten covered hands. To make matters worse, her one remaining leg dangled awkwardly, making balance difficult.

"I got you," Kaidan assured her, manifesting a small stasis field around her hips to hold her in place. Then, he swung up behind her and pulled her into his arms, letting her relax most of her weight against his chest. "I'd never let you fall."

They didn't go very far; just a slow walk around the back field. It was nearly midnight after all, despite the almost daylight quality created by the moonlight reflecting off the snow. Shepard was starting to get quite tired, unused to so much activity. The rhythmic gait of Taffy's steps and the warm weight of Kaidan's arms around her middle as he held the reins eased her into a light doze.

"You still with me, Love?" he breathed across her cheek.

"Mmmm hmmmm..." she murmured, craning her neck to meet his gaze. "It's just so peaceful here," she admitted.

"Yeah," he agreed, pulling gently on Taffy's reins to halt their movement. "I love this place. It's funny. I joined the Alliance for a number of reasons; to prove something to myself and to my father, to make a difference, to give my biotics some meaning beyond a random genetic quirk. I've seen so many things, been to so many exotic places I can't even count them. And yet, for some reason, after the dust settles I always find myself back here."

"It suits you," she decided. "You've always had this kind of 'Knight in Shining Armor' vibe about you. It makes sense that you'd also be a cowboy."

Kaidan let out a rough bark of laughter. "A cowboy, eh? I think I just might like that."

"I thought you would." She grinned.

"Seriously though," he continued. "I'd like to retire here. Not now, of course," he added when she stiffened a bit, "but someday, when it is someone else's turn to make a muck of the galaxy, I'd like to come back here and grow some apples, maybe ride a horse or two. Do you think that's something you could ever want?"

Shepard gazed up at the multitude of stars and wondered if there was any place in the whole damn galaxy that made her feel like she belonged there. Every place she'd ever called home - Mindoir, the Alliance, both Normandys - had, at some point, been violently taken from her.

"I joined the Alliance because I had nowhere else to go," she admitted. "_They_ were my place to fall back on when things got tough. When I lost that I felt adrift, with nothing to anchor me down."

Kaidan stiffened at her words. The scruff of his day-old beard scraped against her skin as he nuzzled her cheek. "And then I abandoned you too," he rasped. "I will always be sorry for that."

"You're here now," she soothed, leaning into his touch. It really was enough, she realized.

And in that moment Shepard had an epiphany. For her, home wasn't a long dead colony on a planet far away. It wasn't a bunk in a group home, or a sleeper pod on an Alliance cruiser, or even her beautiful cabin on the SR2. _Home_, the place where Shepard felt safe and loved and wanted, was right here in her lover's arms. This was where she wanted to be when the dust settled. This was the only place she wanted to fall.

"Someday," she agreed, twisting again to look up into his eyes. "When we're done fighting the good fight - whatever that is now - I think I'd like to live here too."

"Yeah?" Kaidan's face split into a wide grin.

He looked so boyish; Shepard couldn't help but return his smile. "Yes," she affirmed.

Kaidan ran his gloved fingers over the curve of her cheek. "I love you so much. Having you here, in my arms, is the best Christmas present I've ever had."

"Including Sugar?" She quipped.

"Sugar," he parried back playfully, "was bought in July."

"Ah," she acquiesced, "Then I will accept your judgment accordingly."

Kaidan leaned in close enough to brush his lips across hers. They were surprisingly warm against her frigid skin. "That's very generous of you, ma'am." He breathed.

"Merry Christmas, Kaidan," she whispered, leaning into the kiss. "You're my favorite present too."

**o - O - o - O - o**

Roughly seven years later, wrapped in her husband's arms was still Shepard's favorite place to be. She snuggled against him on the sofa, listening to the happy sounds coming from the next room as their children decorated cookies with their grandmother.

"We should take the kids riding tomorrow after we're done opening gifts," she decided. "I miss Taffy and I know Hannah and Ash would love to be led around on Sugar for a while."

"Sounds like good idea," he agreed. "Sugar's getting up there in years, but I'm sure she'd love the exercise. You just take it easy, okay?" he urged, palming the gentle curve of her belly. "You're carrying precious cargo."

"I know my limits," she promised. "Besides, at twelve weeks this little guy still has quite a bit of padding to protect him. Please don't worry."

Kaidan kissed her lightly on the lips. "I'll try."

A sudden commotion directed their attention towards the hall. Their jubilant five-year-old son came careening towards them at FTL speed.

"Mommy!" he cried, his dark curls bouncing as he jumped up and down. "Look what we made!"

Kaidan's mother came striding in after him, little Hannah close to her heels. A large tray of newly frosted cookies was balanced in the older woman's arms.

Shepard leaned over to get a closer look. Most of the treats were vaguely human-shaped and covered in varying shades of icing and small candies to depict their clothes and features. The one at the center of the tray stood out the most, with black frosting covering most of its body and narrow, cherry licorice whips for hair. She smiled when she noticed the little red and white stripe on the cookie's right arm.

"We made _you_, Mommy!" Ash could barely contain his pride. "Isn't she pretty? She looks just like you did in the vid they made us watch in school."

Heart swelling in her chest, Shepard gave her son a tight squeeze. "It's beautiful, sweetheart. Thank you so much."

Anne huffed a sigh and looked down at the tray. "I should take some of these to the C-sec officers you've got stashed in that RV outside," She announced. "It's not fair they have to work on Christmas Eve."

"They're Turians, Mom." Kaidan informed her. "They volunteered for this assignment and they don't celebrate Christmas. Besides, they can't eat human food anyway."

The older woman pulled a face and roughly set the tray down on an end table. "That's no reason to be rude, Kaidan Alenko." She scolded, turning to march back into the kitchen. "I'm sure I've got some dextro snacks around here somewhere."

Kaidan snickered as his mother stalked out of sight. "How many stale dextro rations do you think Nilan and Trinar are going to have to force down before mom decides they're happy enough?"

"I don't know about that, Love." Shepard replied, lips stretching into a knowing smile. "I think Nilan at least will be quite willing to choke down whatever your mom has to give him."

Her husband paused, obviously startled. "What are you getting at?"

The councilwoman's laugh was genuine and full bodied. "You can't tell me you haven't noticed the way he acts when she's around." Kaidan's expression was blank with confusion. "There's a reason why he, a senior c-sec officer, continually volunteers for a simple protection detail every single time we announce we are coming to the orchard."

"Kaidan's jaw dropped open like a fish. "You think he's sweet on my mom?"

"If it looks like a duck and it quacks like a duck," she teased, "then it's probably..."

"A duck!" Ash announced loudly.

"That's right." Shepard declared, before scooping the little boy up in her arms and attacking his belly with tickles. He shrieked and convulsed as her fingers gently pinched around his middle.

"I surrender!" he cried, earning an immediately release. He rolled off his mother's knees and slumped onto the carpet, panting heavily. A moment later he was recovered enough to ask, "Can I eat a cookie now?"

They hadn't had dinner yet, but it was Christmas Eve and Shepard was feeling generous. "_One_ cookie," she emphasized. "And pick out a small one for your sister too."

Hannah perked up from where she'd been playing on the floor. Harry the Hanar was left in a heap on the rug as she rushed over to her brother. "Cookie?" she asked, reaching out two grabby hands.

"Fine; I'll get her one too," Ashton huffed, skipping off to grab his treat. Just before he reached the table though, a mass of pink, plush tentacles caught the edge of his shoe, tripping him up. Losing his balance, Ash slammed into the end table, palms first.

Shepard gasped as the cookies went flying. She reached out instinctively to break her son's fall, despite being much too far away to make a difference. His head was inches from crashing into the floor when the entire scene froze like it had been paused on a vid screen. Everything; from the cookies floating in mid air to the little pink hanar tangled around Ash's shoe, was encased in the soft blue glow of a very powerful biotic field.

Releasing the breath she'd been holding, Shepard praised her husband's quick thinking. "Very nice, Love."

Kaidan graced his wife with a gentle smile before setting everything to rights with a flick of his wrist. Ashton slowly eased to the floor, little Harry glided over to rest in their daughter's outstretched arms, and each and every sugar cookie danced and twirled on its way back to the fancy platter.

Hannah squealed and clapped her hands at the show. "Fly me too, Daddy," she cried, her little blonde pigtails waving around. "Fly me!"

"To the galactic core and back again!" he claimed, "using a soft biotic lift to slowly raise their little girl off the floor. Not to be left out, Ash tugged on his father's sleeve and was quickly floating next to his sister. The room filled with their high pitched giggles as he made them bob and weave around the furniture. It was their most favorite game.

Shepard stepped up alongside her husband, close enough to feel the tingle of his biotics on her skin. "I think I like them best like this," she quipped, "happy and unable to touch anything."

"I think that might just be a lie, Madam Councilor," he retorted, dropping the field and letting the kids plop down onto the couch cushions. "Go get Mommy!" he cried.

Ash and Hannah leaped the short distance into their mother's arms, a synchronous chorus of "I love you, Mommy" escaping their lips. Shepard hugged them close and kissed their chubby cheeks. "I love you too," she promised, "Forever and ever and ever."

"I think you like them best like _this_." Her husband claimed, nudging her shoulder.

"You got me," she agreed. Nothing was better than the unconditional love of a child. Pulling back from the group hug, she addressed their kids. "Go wash up for dinner you little Pyjacks." She instructed. "Your Grandma's the best cook in the Sol System and I'm hungry. Ash," she called after them, just before they reached the nearest washroom. "Help Hannah wash her hands please."

"So," Kaidan asked, when their children had disappeared down the hall. "Is this the best Christmas yet?"

Shepard wrapped her arms around her husband's neck and leaned in for a gentle kiss. "Every single one of them is; as long as I'm with you."

* * *

_Author's notes:_

_- I hope you liked this little glimpse into the Shepard/Kaidan relationship and their little family. Please leave me a review if you are feeling generous. _

_- this is the fluffiest thing I have ever written. My Shenko sisters over on Tumblr specifically requested fluffy Christmas Shenko fic and this was my interpretation. I apologize if it gave you a toothache. _

_- Life expectancy for a horse now a days is aprox 30 years. When the Alenko family visits grandma for Christmas in the prologue and epilogue of this fic, Kaidan would be somewhere between 42-43 years old. This would put Sugar at close to 30 or even over it. However, if the Mass Effect universe claims humans can live to 150 at that point in the future, I see not reason why horses can't stay healthy longer too.  
_

_- If any of you are concerned with the Alenko family owning an orchard AND owning horses, I have heard from reliable sources that it can be done if there is enough land. You just have to watch the horses in the summer/fall though, as they like to snack on the crop.  
_

_- also, it occurred to me that Kaidan's biotics might spook the horses a little bit, but I just figure he has already conditioned them to be used to it.  
_


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